Eulogy for a brother

A eulogy for a brother is a strange kind of writing. The person you would have called to read the draft is the person the draft is about. Start somewhere small. A scene from when you were both kids. A line he said too often. The room will recognize him before you finish the second sentence. The broader frame is in how to write a eulogy.

The childhood you shared

The thing only siblings can give a eulogy is the kid-vault. The Christmas morning he set the tree on fire trying to fix the angel. The fight he won, the fight he lost, the time he covered for you. Those stories are not little. They are the spine.

Two example openings

Example one, a long life

I had a brother for sixty-three years. That is most of the years there are. I am going to spend the next four minutes telling you what it was like to be on his team, and what it was like to lose to him at cards.

Example two, sudden loss

On Tuesday my brother sent me a photo of a sandwich. On Wednesday he was gone. I keep looking at that photo because it is the last ordinary thing. So I want to tell you about the ordinary things, because that is who he was. He was the best ordinary man I have ever known.

What to include about a brother

• One childhood scene with both parents and the siblings in it
• The kind of partner, father, friend, or coworker he became
• The thing he was inexplicably good at, and proud of
• A phrase he said often, in his own words
• The way you ended up like him, even when you fought it

If the loss was sudden

Allow yourself to name it. None of us thought we would be here this week. The room is grateful when the speaker says out loud what they are already feeling. Then return to the specific stories.

Reading the eulogy

Practice in front of a sibling or a partner. If you have a sister, our companion guide is eulogy for a sister. The day-of pieces, breathing, pace, where to look, are in how to read a eulogy without crying.

When you are ready, Stillwith helps you draft yours.