How to write a eulogy

Writing a eulogy is the kind of task that feels both unbearable and urgent. You may have a few days, a child to comfort, a brother to coordinate with, and a strange mountain of paperwork on the kitchen counter. The eulogy still has to happen. This guide is here to help you write one without making it harder than it has to be.

Start with one true thing

The single most useful piece of advice for eulogy writing is this: find one small, true image, and let it grow. Not a list of achievements. Not a chronological history. One image. The way she answered the phone. The way he tied his shoes. The smell of the kitchen on Sunday morning. The joke that always made everyone groan.

That one image is the seed. From it, the rest grows naturally, because every detail you add will be in the same key. The audience leaves remembering one thing, not twelve. One thing told well is worth more than twelve facts read off a page.

The basic structure

Most strong eulogies follow a simple three-part structure. Each part is roughly a third of the total length. If you are stuck on the first sentence, our piece on eulogy opening lines offers ten starts grouped by tone.

• The opening. Who they were to you, in one or two sentences. The opening sets the tone for the room.
• The middle. Two or three stories or images that show what kind of person they were, not what their resume said.
• The close. A gentle landing. What you carry from them. A goodbye that the room can hold onto.

How long should a eulogy be?

About five to seven minutes, which translates to 700 to 1,000 spoken words. Funerals and memorial services are usually scheduled to the minute, and most have multiple speakers. Shorter is almost always better than longer. A short eulogy is also easier to deliver without losing your composure. We go deeper on this in our piece on how long a eulogy should be. If you have just two minutes, see our short eulogy examples for what fits.

What to include, what to leave out

Include the small, specific details only your family knows. Leave out the resume bullet points, unless one of them genuinely belongs in the story you are telling. A eulogy is not a Wikipedia entry. It is a love letter, read in public.

It is also okay to acknowledge a complicated relationship. The most honest eulogies often do. You do not have to pretend the person was perfect. You can love them honestly.

Questions that gather memories

If you are stuck, sit down with another family member and ask each other these questions. Write down what comes up. You can also download our free printable Questions That Gather Memories handout to bring to the conversation.

• What is one small thing only our family knows about them?
• What did they always say?
• What were they doing when they seemed happiest?
• What did they make us laugh about?
• What did they teach us, even without trying to?
• What was the last time we really laughed together?

Reading the eulogy aloud

Read your draft out loud before the day. Out loud is not the same as in your head. Sentences that look fine on the page can be hard to say. Cross out the words that catch on your tongue. The eulogy is for the room, not for the reader. If your voice tends to crack on the hardest sentences, our guide on how to read a eulogy without crying is written for exactly that fear.

At the lectern, hold the paper in both hands, even if you have it memorized. The paper gives you something to look at if your eyes fill. Pause when you need to. Take a sip of water. The room will wait.

If you cannot deliver it yourself

That is common. Ask someone to read it for you, and stand next to them if you want. Or have the officiant read it. Or have it printed in the program for everyone to read silently. There is no wrong way.

Tools that help

Stillwith is built specifically for this moment. It asks you a few gentle questions, and assembles a first draft in plain language. You can edit every word. You can ignore the AI and write it yourself. Either way, the questions alone tend to be useful, because they gather the small images that make a eulogy alive.

For relationship-specific guidance, see our pieces on eulogy for a husband, eulogy for a wife, eulogy for a best friend, or any of the other relationships in our guides library. To end the speech well, see eulogy closing lines.