A non-religious celebration of life script

A celebration of life without religion can feel like a blank page. There is no liturgy to follow, no script the room already knows. That is also the gift of it. This page gives you a full 45-minute sample script you can adapt, a list of substitute readings, and the small decisions to make first.

Three decisions to make first

Before you write the script, decide three things. First, who leads. A close friend, a humanist celebrant, or a funeral officiant who runs secular services can all carry the room. Second, who speaks. Three to five family or friend speakers, two to four minutes each, is usually right. Third, what music. Two or three pieces, chosen carefully, do the work of a hymn without being one.

For background on the printed order of service, our funeral program template adapts to secular events as well as religious ones.

A 45-minute sample script

Adapt the words. Keep the shape.

Welcome (3 minutes, by the officiant):"Thank you all for coming. We are here today to remember Helen, who died last week at 78. This is a celebration of her life. Some of you knew her for sixty years and some of you met her last summer. All of you are welcome. This room holds many beliefs and many ways of grieving, and today we make room for all of them."

First reading (3 minutes, by a friend):A poem by Mary Oliver, "When Death Comes," or another reading chosen by the family.

Music (3 minutes): A recorded song the person loved. Played in full. The room sits with it.

Three remembrances (12 minutes, four minutes each):One from family, one from a long friend, one from a colleague or neighbor.

Music (3 minutes): A second piece, chosen for contrast with the first.

Open microphone (10 minutes): The officiant invites anyone who wants to share a short memory to come forward. A minute each.

Closing reading (3 minutes, by family): Often the letter the person wrote, or a passage they loved.

Closing words (3 minutes, by the officiant):"We end where we began. Helen lived 78 years. She is gone from this room, and she stays in every one of us who knew her. Thank you for being here."

Music (3 minutes): A third piece, often recessional.

Substitute readings for any belief or none

The right reading is the one the person would have wanted, or the one that sounds like them. A few that have held many secular rooms steady:

• Mary Oliver, "When Death Comes"
• W. S. Merwin, "For the Anniversary of My Death"
• Rainer Maria Rilke, "Go to the Limits of Your Longing"
• Wendell Berry, "The Peace of Wild Things"
• Marilynne Robinson, the closing passages of Gilead
• Anne Lamott, any passage from Help Thanks Wow
• Lyrics from a song the person loved, read aloud as prose
• A letter the deceased wrote, or a passage they had underlined

Music that suits a secular room

Three pieces, well chosen, do the work. Many families now build a playlist for the reception that runs an hour or two. For more on selecting music, our celebration of life vs funeral guide compares the tone of the two formats.

Holding a room with many beliefs

Some families are entirely secular. Many are mixed. A celebration of life can hold both. The welcome line above acknowledges this. The room relaxes when you name what is true. For comparison with how other traditions structure the service, see our piece on the Catholic funeral Mass order or our guide to Mormon funeral customs.

Common questions

How long should a non-religious celebration of life last?

About 45 to 60 minutes for the formal program, plus an optional reception.

Who should I ask to lead the service?

A close family friend, a humanist celebrant, or a hired officiant.

What readings work without religion?

Mary Oliver, Rilke, W. S. Merwin, Wendell Berry, or a letter the deceased wrote.

What if some of the family is religious and some is not?

A celebration of life can hold both. Acknowledge in the welcome.