What to wear to give a eulogy
Practical and tender guidance on dressing for the day you speak. Color, fit, and one tip about pockets.
Most people give a eulogy once or twice in a lifetime. So the question of what to wear is not silly. It is one of the practical things you can control on a day when nothing else feels controllable. The short answer: a notch more formal than the room, in colors that do not pull focus, in a fit that lets you breathe.
The basics
- Dark or muted colors. Navy, charcoal, deep green, black, soft gray, dusty plum. Skip bright reds and patterns.
- A fit you can breathe in. The lectern is not the place to discover your blazer is half an inch too tight.
- Closed-toe shoes you have already broken in. Save the new ones for another day.
- Layers. A thin jacket or cardigan. Sanctuaries run cold; you will run warm at the lectern.
One small but useful detail: pockets
If you have a choice, wear something with a pocket. You will want somewhere to put a tissue, a folded copy of the eulogy, and a small piece of paper with the order of service written on it. Skirts without pockets are fine; carry a small clutch you can leave on the lectern.
Color, by tradition
Most Western Christian and secular services lean dark. Some Jewish services do too. Some families specifically ask for bright colors, the favorite team jersey, or a particular flower pinned to the lapel. If the family has not said anything, default to dark. If they have asked for something specific, honor it. When in doubt, text the closest family member the day before and ask.
For warm weather services
Outdoor and summer services are warmer than you think. Lightweight wool or linen blends, in dark colors, breathe better than synthetics. Bring water. Wear an undershirt.
One last thing
Whatever you wear, lay it out the night before. The morning of a memorial is not the morning to be ironing. The fewer decisions you have to make in the next twelve hours, the more you have left for the lectern. For the lectern itself, see how to read a eulogy without crying. And if you have not started the eulogy yet, our gentle starting point is how to write a eulogy.
When you are ready, Stillwith helps you draft yours.
Other gentle reading
- How to write a eulogyA gentle, step-by-step guide to writing a eulogy when you have never written one before.
- How long should a eulogy beMost eulogies are five to seven minutes. Here is why, and what fits in that time.
- Eulogy opening linesTen original opening lines for a eulogy, grouped by tone. How to begin when the first sentence is the hardest.
- Eulogy closing linesTen example endings for a eulogy, grouped by tone. How to land the last sentence so the room can breathe.