Eulogy for a husband

Writing a eulogy for your husband is a strange assignment. The person who would have helped you find the right words is the person you are writing about. Be gentle with yourself. You do not need to be eloquent. You need to be true. For the broader shape of a eulogy, the gentlest place to start is our guide on how to write a eulogy.

Begin with a small, specific scene

Resist the urge to start with a summary of the marriage. A marriage cannot be summarized. Start with a Tuesday. The way he made coffee. The song he hummed on the back porch. The look on his face when the grandkids walked in. The room is already moved that you are standing up there. You do not have to earn the tears. You have to give them somewhere honest to land.

Two example openings

Borrow either of these and change the names. For ten more starters in different tones, see our list of eulogy opening lines. If you only have two minutes to speak, our short eulogy examples include a draft you can adapt.

Example one, a long marriage

We were married for forty-one years. People ask what the secret was. I do not have a secret. I had David. And David, every single day for forty-one years, chose us before he chose himself. That is not a secret. That is a discipline. It is the thing I will miss the most.

Example two, sudden loss

Three weeks ago we were arguing about the dishwasher. Three weeks ago he was teaching our son to drive the boat. I keep wanting to tell you the small things, because the big things are too big to say yet. So I will tell you the small things.

What to include about a husband

• One ordinary ritual the two of you had, that no one else knew about
• The kind of father, or grandfather, or friend he was
• A thing he said often, in his own words, that the kids will recognize
• One moment that captured him in 90 seconds, told plainly
• What you learned from being married to him

If the marriage was complicated

Most marriages are. It is okay to acknowledge that, with care. A line like, we did not always make it easy on each other, but we kept showing up, earns the room. The warm parts ring truer when they are not airbrushed.

For second marriages

If you were his second wife, or he was your second husband, speak from the years you had. You do not have to compete with the past. The audience already knows the story. They are here for your years, not the math.

Reading the eulogy

Before the day, read our practical guide on how to read a eulogy without crying and decide what you will wear from our note on what to wear to give a eulogy. Carry the paper to the lectern, even if you have memorized it. The page is your floor.

When you are ready, Stillwith helps you draft yours.