How to write an obituary

An obituary is a small public document with two jobs. It announces a death, and it honors a life. Most are read by hundreds of people, and most are written in a single, hard afternoon. This guide will help you write one that does both jobs gracefully, in a way that still sounds like your person. If you are also writing the speech for the service, see our companion guide on how to write a eulogy.

The standard obituary format

Most newspapers and funeral homes expect the same order. Once you see the order, the writing gets easier.

• Full legal name, including maiden name if relevant
• Age at death, date of death, place of residence
• One or two life chapters, in plain language
• Surviving family members, in a clear list
• Family members who predeceased them
• Funeral service date, time, place
• In lieu of flowers, donation request, if any

How long should an obituary be?

Newspapers usually want 100 to 200 words. Funeral programs often print 250 to 400. Online obituaries can be longer. Write the long version first. The short version is easier to trim out of a long one than to expand from a short one.

The opening sentence

A standard opening looks like: Helen Marie Brennan, 84, of Worcester, Massachusetts, passed away on April 22, 2026, surrounded by her family.

You can also use died instead of passed away. Either is correct. Use the one that sounds like your family.

The middle paragraphs

Most obituaries have one paragraph on the life and one on the family. The life paragraph names where they were born, who raised them, the work they did, the things they loved. Two or three concrete details beat ten general ones. Replace "she loved her grandchildren" with "she could name every grandchild's favorite sandwich without thinking," if it is true.

Listing the family

List by relationship: spouse first, then children with their spouses in parentheses, then grandchildren, then siblings. Many families add the city or state next to each name, especially if the obituary will run in a hometown paper.

Closing lines

End with the funeral details, and any in-lieu-of-flowers request. A common closing is: In lieu of flowers, the family asks for donations to the Worcester Public Library, where Helen volunteered every Wednesday for twenty years. For more phrasings, see our short guide to in lieu of flowers wording.

What to leave out

While you are drafting, it can help to work in parallel with our funeral planning checklist so you do not lose track of dates and venues you will need to include. Cause of death is the family's choice. Many families share it, many do not. There is no right answer. The same goes for naming ex-spouses, estranged children, or complicated chapters. Write the obituary your family wants to live with for years.

Faster than you expect

Stillwith drafts both the long and the newspaper versions side by side, so you only have to gather the details once. The first draft usually arrives in under five minutes. You edit, you check the names, you read it to your sister, you submit.

For the newspaper-specific structure and pricing, see obituary newspaper format. If you are still untangling what an obituary is versus a eulogy or tribute, see eulogy vs obituary vs tribute.