In lieu of flowers wording

Many families prefer that gifts of money or service go to a cause their person cared about, rather than flowers that fade in a week. Here is gentle phrasing for that request.

The standard wording

In lieu of flowers, the family asks for donations to the Worcester Public Library, where Helen volunteered every Wednesday for twenty years.

Alternative phrasings

• The family kindly requests that, in lieu of flowers, contributions be made to [organization], in memory of [name].
• In keeping with [name]'s wishes, the family asks for donations to [organization] instead of flowers.
• [Name] loved [cause]. The family invites you to honor them with a gift to [organization].
• Memorial contributions may be made to [organization] in [name]'s memory.

If you are open to both

Some families welcome flowers and also want to point people toward a cause. The phrasing is just as easy.

Flowers are welcome. Those wishing to make a memorial donation are invited to give to the pediatric ward at St. Vincent's Hospital.

If you prefer a different gesture entirely

• In lieu of flowers, the family asks you to call your mother today, and tell her you love her.
• In lieu of flowers, plant a tree, or read a book to a child.
• In lieu of flowers, please share a memory at our memorial page: stillwith.io/helen-brennan.

Where to include it

The most common place is at the end of the obituary, just before the funeral details, or just after. Our guide on how to write an obituary shows where this line typically lands. If you are still working through the broader checklist, see our funeral planning checklist. And to soften the news for the youngest mourners, our piece on how to tell the children offers age-by-age language. It can also appear on the memorial page, the funeral program, and any email or printed announcement.

For setting up the donation destination itself, see our piece on the memorial donation page.