What to do with your wedding ring after your spouse dies

The ring on your hand has a different weight now. The ring on the nightstand has its own weight. People ask, gently or not, and you do not always have an answer. This page is for sitting with that, and for the five most common paths other widows and widowers have chosen.

There is no timeline

The first thing every grief counselor will tell you is that there is no rule about your wedding ring. Some widows and widowers never take theirs off. Some move it to the right hand at six months. Some take it off after a year. Some take it off the day after the funeral. All of these are right.

You will probably feel pressure from somewhere, eventually. A sister, a coworker, a well-meaning friend who thinks moving the ring is part of moving on. They are wrong. Wearing or not wearing the ring is not a measure of grief. It is a choice that belongs only to you.

Five gentle options for your own ring

• Leave it where it is. Many widows and widowers wear the ring on the left hand for years, or forever. There is no expiration date on a marriage.
• Move it to the right hand. A common choice at six months or a year. The ring stays close. The hand it is on changes the social signal.
• Wear it on a chain. Many people who work with their hands or want a quieter signal move the ring to a necklace. Often paired with their spouse's ring on the same chain.
• Put it in a velvet box. Some people take the ring off and put it somewhere safe and private. They take it out on anniversaries. They look at it. They put it back.
• Have it remade. Some people have the ring remade into a pendant, a different band, or a setting with their spouse's birthstone. The metal is the same. The shape changes.

What to do with their ring

Your spouse's ring is its own question. Some widows and widowers keep it on a chain around their neck along with their own. Some resize it to fit their own hand and wear both. Some keep it in a small box on the dresser, untouched for years.

Some pass it on. To a son or daughter for their own marriage. To a grandchild. To a sibling. Passing the ring on is a quiet, weighty gift, and the right time to do it usually finds you rather than the other way around.

Remaking the rings into something else

Some widows and widowers have both rings melted down and made into something new. A pendant. A pair of small bands for adult children. A bracelet. A wedding-band-shaped charm for a charm bracelet. There are jewelers who specialize in memorial work, and the conversation with them is often a quiet, careful one. Allow several weeks. Most ask you to be sure before they start.

If you start dating again

Whether or not you wear the ring during a second relationship is a conversation between you and the new person. There is no etiquette. Many widowed people in a second relationship keep the ring on a chain, or on the right hand, or in a drawer. Many wear it some days and not others. The honest answer to anyone who asks is the only one needed: this is how I am doing it for now.

After the decision

Whatever you choose, the choice will probably shift over time. Many widows and widowers report changing their ring practice more than once over the first decade. That is normal. For more on the longer arc of grief, see our piece on the anniversary of a death. For the season around your spouse's first birthday after, see the broader first Christmas after a death piece, which translates to most other firsts. Families in larger cities can find widow and widower support groups through our Philadelphia memorial planning page and similar city resources.

If today is heavy

The crisis and grief support page has 24-hour grief lines and specific support for spousal loss. You do not have to decide about the ring today. The ring will wait for you.

Common questions

When am I supposed to take it off?

There is no rule. Some widows and widowers never take theirs off. Some move it to the right hand at six months. Some take it off after a year. Some take it off the day after the funeral. There is no wrong answer.

What about their ring?

Keep it. Hold it. Wear it on a chain. Resize it for your own hand. Pass it to a child. Have it remade into something else. There is no required path here. Many widows and widowers keep their spouse's ring untouched for years before deciding.

If I start dating, do I have to remove the ring?

That is a conversation between you and the new person. Many people in a second relationship keep the ring on the right hand or on a chain. Many remove it. Many wear it some days and not others. There is no etiquette to follow. Just honesty.