An ethical will, a template

An ethical will is the letter that goes with your legal one. Your legal will divides your property. Your ethical will passes along what your property cannot: the values you tried to live by, the lessons you wish someone had told you, the hopes you carry for the people you love. The tradition goes back two thousand years in Jewish life and has been adopted widely in the last fifty by families across faith traditions and by people of none.

What it is, and what it is not

An ethical will is a personal letter, addressed to your family or to specific people, that you intend them to read after you die or sometimes during your lifetime. It is not a legal document. It does not affect inheritance, executorship, or property decisions. Those belong in your legal will, executed with a lawyer. The ethical will sits alongside the legal will and answers the questions the legal will cannot: why, what mattered, how to live, how to love.

A five-section template

• Greeting. Address it to the people you mean.
• Gratitude. Name the people, experiences, and gifts you were grateful for. Specifics are better than sweep.
• Lessons. What did your life teach you? Three or four is plenty.
• Forgiveness, asked and offered. Optional but often the most relieving.
• Blessing. What you hope for the people you are leaving. Not advice. Hope.

Example one, a parent to adult children

To Sarah and Daniel, and to your children if they ever read this. The most important thing I learned is that nothing important is done quickly. Marriages, careers, gardens, friendships, recovery from any of the harder things. I tried to rush most of mine and the ones I rushed are the ones I regret. The ones I let take their time are the ones that held. I hope you find the difference earlier than I did. I am proud of you both.

Example two, a younger person to siblings

To Michael and Anna. If you are reading this, the worst has happened. I want you to know three things. First, I loved my life, even the hardest parts of it. Second, I forgive everything and ask the same of you. Third, take care of mom; she is going to need you both, and not in the ways she will admit. Be brave for each other. I am with you.

Example three, a grandparent

To my grandchildren. I wish I had known your grandfather's grandfather. I would have asked him what he believed and what he was sorry for. So here is mine, in case it matters. I believed in showing up early, in writing thank-you notes by hand, in admitting when I was wrong before someone else had to point it out. I am sorry I was not patient enough with your father when he was small. Be patient with your own. They are watching closer than you think.

Questions that gather the material

• What three things have you been most grateful for?
• What three things do you wish you had learned earlier?
• What do you want forgiven? What do you forgive?
• What do you hope for the people who will read this?
• What is the small habit you would pass along?

Where to keep it, when to share it

Print it. Sign it. Date it. Store it with your will or with your advance memorial wishes. Email a copy to two trusted people. Some families share the ethical will during life; others save it for after the death. Both traditions are valid.

For a related letter form, see our piece on a letter to a future grandchild. For broader self-prepare guidance, see local resources like our Minneapolis funeral planning page.

Updating it

Review every three to five years and after major life events. Date each version, keep the most recent, and let the older ones live in a labeled folder as a record of how you grew.

Common questions

What is an ethical will?

A personal letter that passes along your values, life lessons, and hopes. Not a legal document.

Is it legally binding?

No. It does not affect inheritance or property.

How long should it be?

One to four pages.