A eulogy for a stillborn baby

A stillbirth is a real loss, of a real baby, in a real family. The culture has not always known how to hold that. This page is for parents who want to say their child's name out loud, and want the room to know that they have been parents all along.

Name the baby aloud

Saying the name in front of the room is one of the most important things this memorial can do. The baby's name is the proof. The name is the person.

We named our daughter Eleanor before she was born. We picked the name in the kitchen one Tuesday in April. We called her by it through the pregnancy. She heard it before she heard anything else. She is Eleanor. She will always be Eleanor. She is our daughter.

You are a parent

You became a parent the day you knew. The eulogy can claim that plainly. The pregnancy was real. The hopes were real. The grief is real because the parenthood was real.

A one-paragraph template

If a full eulogy feels like too much, a single paragraph is enough. Read it standing, or have the officiant read it. Use this as a starting point and replace what fits your family.

We are here today for [name]. We loved [him/her/them] from the moment we knew. [He/she/they] [a small image: the way they moved, a song we played, a name we picked]. We do not know everything about who [he/she/they] would have been. We know enough. We know [name] was our [son/daughter/child], and is our [son/daughter/child], and we will love [him/her/them] for the rest of our lives.

If there are siblings

Children understand more than we think. Use the baby's name in front of them. If you have photos, share them. Our piece on how to tell the children has age-by-age language.

Related and adjacent

For an infant loss after birth, see eulogy for a baby. For anxiety at the lectern, see how to give a eulogy with anxiety. For long-term grief support, see our crisis and grief support page.

For local context, our Boston funeral planning page and the full places library have notes on infant and pregnancy-loss services in specific cities.

Common questions

Should I name the baby aloud?

Yes. Naming the baby in the room is one of the most important things a stillborn memorial can do. Say the name. Say it again.

Am I still a parent?

Yes. You became a parent the day you knew about the baby. The eulogy can claim that plainly.

What if siblings cannot understand?

Use the baby's name in front of them. Show them photos if you have them. Children grieve when given the words. Our "how to tell the children" guide has more.