A eulogy for a baby

Writing a eulogy for a baby is one of the hardest things a person will ever be asked to do. There is almost nothing fair about it. We will not pretend otherwise on this page. We will offer only what we have found genuinely helps.

A short life is a whole life

Every life is whole. Babies are people from the first heartbeat, and the eulogy can name that without apologizing for the brevity. You are not eulogizing a future they did not get. You are eulogizing the person they were while they were here.

Our son Theo was with us for eleven days. He had his father's hands and his grandmother's nose. He liked when we sang. He opened his eyes when his sister came in the room. He was small and he was here and he was ours. We will love him for the rest of our lives.

Permission to be brief

Sixty to ninety seconds is enough. There is no need to fill more time. A short, tender eulogy is the right shape for a short, tender life. The room does not need more.

What to include

• The name. Say it. Say it twice if you need to.
• One or two physical details. Hands, nose, hair, weight.
• What they responded to. Voices, touch, light.
• The siblings they leave behind, by name.
• The fact that you loved them. Plainly.

You can break protocol

You can ask the room to sit instead of stand. You can play one song instead of three. You can skip the receiving line. You can take an hour for yourself before the service. The funeral home will adjust to whatever you ask for. Do not perform for the room. The room is here for you.

If you cannot speak

Many parents write the words and ask a sibling, parent, or officiant to read them. Some parents stand beside the reader. Either is honored. Our piece on how to give a eulogy with anxiety has techniques for the lectern if you decide to read it yourself.

Related and adjacent

For pregnancy loss before birth, see our piece on eulogy for a stillborn baby. For child loss more generally, see eulogy for a son. For long-term peer support, see our crisis and grief support page.

For local context, our Seattle funeral planning page and the places library cover regional considerations for infant services.

Common questions

How long should the eulogy be?

Sixty to ninety seconds is enough. There is no need to fill more time. A short, tender eulogy is the right shape.

What if I cannot speak?

Ask a sibling, a parent, or the officiant to read what you wrote. Many parents write the words and have someone else deliver them. That is honored, not lesser.

Should I name details about the death?

No, unless you want to. The eulogy is about who they were. The cause and the timeline do not need to be in the room.