Eulogy for a mother

A eulogy for a mother is one of the hardest pieces of writing a person will ever do, and one of the most important. The good news is that the form is forgiving, and the audience is on your side. You do not have to be a writer. You have to be honest, and brief. For the broader structure, see our main guide on how to write a eulogy.

Start with a small image

Resist the urge to start with her birth date or a long list of her roles. Start with a single image. The way she dried her hands on her apron before she answered the phone. The handwriting on the lunch bag. The look she gave when she was about to tell you a story she had already told you twice. The audience will lean in.

Three example openings

These are full openings tailored to a mother. For ten more starting lines in different tones, see our list of eulogy opening lines. If you only have ninety seconds to two minutes, our short eulogy examples include a draft you can adapt.

Example one, warm and specific

My mother kept a shoebox of thank-you letters in the hall closet. She never showed it to anyone. I only found out about it three months ago, when she pointed at the closet and said, when I am gone, that box is the only thing I want you to read.

Example two, gentle and funny

If you have ever sat at our mother's kitchen table, you know two things. The first is that you would not leave hungry. The second is that she would ask you the kind of question that made you put down your fork. She wanted to know how you really were. And she would wait for the answer.

Example three, honest and quiet

My mom and I did not always agree. We argued about politics, about the way I folded the towels, about whether to call before stopping by. What we never disagreed on was that we loved each other, clumsily and completely, every day.

What to include about a mother

• One small ritual she had, that only the family will recognize
• A thing she said often, in her own words
• The way she showed love (it is usually one specific thing)
• One moment that captured her, told in 60 to 90 seconds
• What you learned from her, said simply

What to leave out

Resist the urge to list every job, every degree, every accomplishment. A eulogy for your mom is not a resume. The room already knows she was your mother, and is moved by that fact. Pick two or three things, told well, and let the rest live in the obituary and the reception.

If the relationship was complicated

It is okay to acknowledge that, gently. My mother and I came from different generations, and we did not always understand each other. But she showed up.A line like that earns the room's trust, and makes the warm parts ring true.

Reading the eulogy

If the thought of getting through this without breaking down is the scariest part, read our practical guide on how to read a eulogy without crying before the day. Carry the paper to the lectern, even if you have memorized it. Look up between sentences. Take a sip of water if you need to pause. The room is rooting for you. You do not have to be polished. You have to be present.

If you are also writing for a daughter or son in your family, our companion pieces on eulogy for a daughter and eulogy for a son carry the same gentle structure, with examples written for those losses.