A eulogy for a mother-in-law

Giving a eulogy for your mother-in-law is a particular kind of speaking. You are not her child. You are the person who married her child. You loved her, you knew her, and your grief is real. So is your spouse's, which sits in the front row. This page helps you hold both.

Speak as the in-law, not the child

The eulogy is your view of her, which is different from her children's view. That is the right voice for you to use. Do not try to speak for your spouse. Speak for yourself, and let your spouse's grief stand on its own in the room.

I have known Margaret for twenty-eight years. I met her the week Tom and I started dating. She put a plate in front of me, told me she did not like cilantro, and asked how I felt about the Mets. I was in. From the first dinner.

I cannot speak for her son or her daughters. They will carry their own version of this loss. What I can tell you is that the woman who welcomed me to her table at twenty-three never stopped welcoming me. She gave me a mother again. I will love her for that as long as I am alive.

Honor your spouse's grief inside yours

A line or two acknowledging your spouse, your children, and the siblings she leaves behind goes a long way. You do not need to speak for them. You can speak about them, and how they loved her.

If you are also the parent of her grandchildren

Naming what she was to your kids gives the room a window into a whole second generation she shaped. A small image works best. The story she always told. The food she made. The game she taught.

If your relationship was complicated

Keep the eulogy short and gracious. Speak about the woman she was to your spouse and grandchildren, not to you. The eulogy is not the place for the complicated parts. Our piece on eulogies when the deceased was difficult covers the wider case of speaking about someone the relationship was hard with.

Related and adjacent

For a mother eulogy spoken by her child, see eulogy for a mother. For the male counterpart, see eulogy for a father-in-law. For mechanics, see how to write a eulogy.

For local context, see our Philadelphia funeral planning page and the places library.

Common questions

Why would the in-law speak instead of the child?

It is common when the adult children are too close to the loss to deliver the eulogy. The in-law can hold the speaking work while the children sit in the front row.

Should I speak as "I" or "we"?

Use "I" for your own relationship with her, and shift to "we" or "this family" when you carry the wider grief. Both voices belong in the same eulogy.

What if our relationship was complicated?

Keep it short and gracious. Speak about the woman she was to your spouse and grandchildren, not to you. The eulogy is not the place for the complicated parts.