Writing your own obituary

Writing your own obituary while you are alive is a quiet, useful thing. It saves your family from guessing what you would have wanted them to say. It surfaces what actually mattered in your life. And it gives you the last word, in a form that is hard to do later. This page is a template, a short example, and the questions that help you gather what to put in.

Why people do this

Three reasons come up most often. The first is logistical: families report that the obituary is the single hardest piece of writing they have to produce in the first 48 hours after a death. A self-written draft removes that burden. The second is honest: most people have at least one chapter of their life they want named correctly and one they do not want overemphasized; only you know the balance. The third is reflective: writing your own obituary forces a clear-eyed look at the shape of your life.

A four-paragraph template

Most obituaries are 200 to 400 words and follow this shape. Fill in what you know about your life today; family members can update the date of death and any survivors at the end.

• Paragraph 1 (announcement). Full name, age, city of residence, date of death (left blank for now), brief cause if you want it named.
• Paragraph 2 (life). Where you were born and raised, schooling, marriage, children, the work you did, the places you lived.
• Paragraph 3 (character). What people loved about you. The small habits, the running jokes, the meal you always cooked.
• Paragraph 4 (survivors and service). Who you leave behind, named. Service details and memorial gift information.

For the full structure on each paragraph, see our piece on how to write an obituary.

Questions that surface what to include

If you sit down to write and the page stays blank, walk through these.

• Where were you actually from, not just born?
• What did you do for a living that you would still claim?
• Who or what shaped you the most?
• What did you make, fix, raise, or grow?
• What did people most often laugh about with you?
• What did you regret? Do you want that named?
• Who do you want acknowledged by name?
• What charity or cause would you want gifts directed to?

A short example

Margaret Ellen Casey, 67, of Pittsburgh, died at home surrounded by family. Margaret was born in Greenfield in 1958 and lived in Pittsburgh her entire life, except for two years in San Francisco that she did not enjoy as much as she thought she would. She taught third grade at St. Andrew's for thirty-one years. Her students called her Mrs. C and her colleagues called her trouble in the best way. She made pierogis at Christmas, read three books a week, kept a small garden, and gave terrible directions everywhere she drove. She is survived by her husband Tom, her children Sarah and Daniel, her grandchildren Lucy, Will, and James, and her sister Patricia. In lieu of flowers, please plant something or read a book to a child.

Where to put it, who to tell

Print one copy and store it with your will. Save the file with your advance memorial wishes. Email a copy to your executor and one other trusted person.

For local newspaper submission options, see local guidance like our Cleveland funeral planning page or browse the city directory.

Updating it

Review it every few years, especially after major life events. The obituary is a living document until the day it is not. Date each version, keep the most recent, and recycle the rest.

Common questions

Is it morbid to write my own obituary?

Most people who do it report the opposite. It is clarifying.

When should I write it?

Any time. There is no wrong age.

Where do I keep it so my family finds it?

With your will, in a labeled folder. Email a copy to two trusted people.