Care package suggestions

When somebody you care about loses someone, the urge is to send something. Often the something is flowers, because that is what the florist on the corner is set up to do. Flowers are fine. They are not what most grieving families remember. What they remember is the bowl of soup that arrived hot, the box of paper plates that meant no one had to wash dishes for a week, the friend who showed up with coffee and a candle and stayed quiet.

This page lists practical things to send when you do not know what to send. For more on showing up well, see how to support a grieving friend.

Food

The first week is fed by the neighbors. The second week is often forgotten. Send something that can sit in the freezer.

• Frozen meals in disposable containers: lasagna, chicken casserole, soup. Label with reheating instructions and the date frozen.
• A grocery delivery from Instacart, Shipt, or the local store. Send a $100 gift card with no instructions.
• Breakfast comfort items: bagels, fruit, yogurt, ground coffee, a few eggs. Mornings are the hardest hour for most grievers.
• Snacks that do not require cooking: nuts, granola bars, crackers, cheese, hummus.
• A bottle of olive oil, a jar of good pasta sauce, a bag of pasta. The simplest meal a person can make on a hard night.

Practical

Grieving families run out of regular household things and do not have the energy to go shopping. Send the boring stuff.

• Paper plates, paper bowls, plastic cutlery, paper towels.
• Coffee filters, dish soap, laundry detergent, trash bags.
• Tissues. Many boxes of tissues.
• Stamps and thank-you note cards.
• Dog food, cat food, kitty litter, dog treats. Pets get forgotten.
• Toilet paper. Yes. Send the bulk pack.

Quiet comfort

Small objects that say “I thought about you for an hour this week.”

• A soft blanket. The kind you reach for at 4 p.m.
• Good tea or coffee. A favorite mug.
• A journal and a nice pen. Many grievers begin writing in the first weeks, even briefly.
• A candle with a calm scent (no overpowering florals; the smell of a funeral home lingers in many homes for weeks).
• A book of poetry. Mary Oliver, Wendell Berry, Maggie Smith.
• A weighted blanket, if the budget allows.

Time

Sometimes the most valuable thing you can send is hours, not objects.

• “I will mow your lawn every Saturday for a month.”
• “I will take the kids on Wednesday afternoons until school starts.”
• A cleaning service for one visit. Hire it, schedule it, hand the family the gift card.
• An offer to handle a specific task: walking the dog, returning library books, picking up the dry cleaning.

By budget

Under $25

• A handwritten card. (Yes, this counts. Yes, it matters.)
• A bag of good coffee and a card.
• A small candle.
• A delivery of soup from a local cafe.
• A roll of stamps and a pack of thank-you notes.

Under $75

• A $50 grocery delivery gift card.
• A casserole, a soft blanket, and a card.
• A book of poetry, a journal, and a candle.
• A meal delivery from DoorDash or Uber Eats for the week.

Under $200

• A weekly meal subscription for a month, from a service like CookUnity, Factor, or a local meal delivery.
• A cleaning service for one visit.
• A pet-care service for a week (a dog walker, daycare, or in-home visits).
• A donation to a charity the family loves, with a note. See our guide on memorial donations.

Do not send

• Cut flowers that need a vase. Nobody has the energy to manage a vase. Send a potted plant or a small succulent if you must send something living.
• A gift basket with so much packaging it takes an hour to unpack. A few items in a plain bag is kinder.
• Anything requiring assembly, batteries, or a manual.
• A sympathy card alone, with no follow-up. The card is the start, not the end. Plan to do something else in a month.
• Food that requires the recipient to make a meal out of it: a raw chicken, a bag of dried beans, a head of cabbage.
• A book about grief, unless they have asked for one. The well-read griever has a stack of those by week three.

For what to write on the card you tape to the box, see our guide on sympathy card wording.