Email templates for hard moments
Eight ready-to-copy emails: telling family, asking for bereavement leave, thank-you notes, closing accounts.
Eight emails you can copy, change a few names, and send. Each one was written for a moment when the words will not come. You are allowed to keep them plain.
For the harder, longer messages (a real eulogy, a real obituary), see our guide on how to write a eulogy and how to write an obituary.
1. Telling far-flung family someone has died
Send this within the first 24 to 48 hours. Keep it short. The phone calls will follow.
A hard message
Dear family, I am writing with sad news. [Name] died on [date], at [place]. [Optional: a sentence about the cause, if you want it shared, or simply: it was peaceful, or it was sudden.] We are still working out the details of the service. I will send another note in the next day or two with the time, the place, and how to join from far away if you cannot travel. If you want to call, my number is [number]. If it is easier to write back, that is fine too. With love, [Your name]
2. Telling work, asking for bereavement leave
Send to your manager and HR. Most US employers offer three to five days of paid bereavement leave for an immediate family member.
Family loss, time away
Hi [Manager], I am writing to let you know that my [relationship: mother, father, spouse, sibling] passed away [yesterday / on Saturday]. I will need to be out of the office for the remainder of this week, and possibly into next week as we plan the service. I will check email once a day in the mornings. [Coworker] has the [project / client] in hand and knows how to reach me if something urgent comes up. Could you let HR know, or should I write to them directly? I want to make sure I follow our bereavement policy correctly. Thank you for your patience. [Your name]
3. Asking for memorial donations in lieu of flowers
Send to extended family and friends, or use the wording in the obituary itself. See also our guide on the in-lieu-of-flowers wording.
In memory of [Name]
Dear friends, Thank you for the love you have shown our family this week. [Name] was lifted by so many of you. In lieu of flowers, the family is asking that donations be made to [Organization], which [meant a great deal to / cared for / was supported by] [Name]. Donations can be made at [website / address], with a note that it is in memory of [Name]. Whatever you choose to send, including only your thoughts, will be received with gratitude. With love, [Your name]
4. Replying to condolences, long form
Use this in the week after the service, when you have the energy for a real reply.
Thank you
Dear [Name], Thank you for your note. I have read it three times. The line about [specific memory or kindness mentioned] made me cry in the good way. These weeks are strange. Some hours feel almost normal. Other hours feel like the floor has dropped out. Your words helped on one of the harder afternoons. I will write more when there is more to write. For now, thank you for being there. With love, [Your name]
5. Replying to condolences, short form
Use this when you are answering thirty messages on a phone, in bed, at midnight. You are allowed to use the short one.
Thank you
[Name], thank you. Your note meant a lot. I will write more soon. With love, [Your name]
6. Thank-you notes after the funeral
Send within four to six weeks of the service. Handwritten is the standard, but email is honored too if that is what you can manage.
From the family of [Name]
Dear [Name], Thank you for [attending the service / sending flowers / bringing a meal / your generous donation to [Organization] / your kind words about [Name]]. [One sentence specific to the person: I will not forget that you drove four hours, or, the lasagna fed our house for three nights, or, your letter is in the box of things I am keeping.] We are slowly finding our footing. Your kindness is part of how we will. With love, [Your name and the family]
7. Closing accounts and notifying institutions
Use this template for banks, utilities, credit cards, insurance, and subscription services. Include a death certificate copy. See the legal checklist for the order of operations.
Notification of death, account [number]
To Whom It May Concern, I am writing to notify you of the death of [Full legal name], [date of birth], who held account number [account number] with your institution. [Name] passed away on [date]. I have enclosed a certified copy of the death certificate. I am [relationship to deceased] and [the executor of the estate / a co-account holder / acting on behalf of the family]. Please [close the account / transfer the balance to the estate / list specific request]. If you require additional documentation or a phone call to verify, my number is [number] and my email is [email]. Thank you for your help during a difficult time. Sincerely, [Your full name] [Your address] [Your relationship to the deceased]
8. Asking someone to give the eulogy on your behalf
When you cannot, or do not want to, stand at the lectern. There is no failure in this.
A favor
Dear [Name], I have been turning this over for a few days. I do not think I can give the eulogy at [Name's] service. I want to. I cannot trust my voice to hold up, and I want the words to land. You knew [Name] well. You have a steady voice. Would you be willing to read what I have written? I will send the draft this week, and you can change anything that does not sound right coming from you. If it is too much to ask, please say so. I will understand. With love, [Your name]
For the moment at the lectern, see the reading aloud companion. For the practical steps these emails support, see the legal and practical checklist.
More from the resource library
- Crisis lines and grief supportVetted hotlines, text lines, and grief communities. United States and faith-specific options included.
- Reading the eulogy out loudA five-minute companion for the moment at the lectern. Breathing, pacing, what to do if you cry.
- Cultural and religious customsWhat to expect, what to wear, what to say at services across eight traditions. Written for the visitor.
- Memorial donations in lieu of flowersHow to phrase the ask, how to set up a tribute fund, and ten categories of charities families often choose.