Grief after loss, a gentle library.
The service ends. The casseroles stop. The grief is still there. This is for that part.
Most grief literature stops at the funeral. The hardest part often starts there. The first ninety days after a death are a strange country. The phone calls dwindle. The work clothes do not fit the same way. The first holiday without them is on the calendar and you do not know how to get through it.
The pages below are for that part. The first Christmas without mom. The first Mother's Day. The first Father's Day. The wedding ring. The closet of clothes. The deceased Facebook account that keeps showing up in your memories feed.
None of these have a timeline. There is no right answer for when to clean out the closet or take off the ring. Some people do it the next week. Some people do it five years later. Both are fine. The pages here are written to give you permission, not a schedule.
If grief has stalled work or made it hard to function, read grief brain and returning to work. If today is the worst day, our crisis and grief support page has hotlines and text lines that answer at any hour.
Stillwith can help you write letters to the people you love while you are still here, and can help you write a note to send to extended family on the first anniversary. We will not push. We will hold space.
Pages for the months after
- What to say to someone in hospiceThe five things Dr. Ira Byock found mattered most. Forgive me. I forgive you. I love you. Thank you. Goodbye. Plus what to do when words will not come.
- An ethical will, a templateAn ethical will is the values letter that goes alongside the legal one. A template, three short examples, and the questions that gather what matters most.
- A letter to a future grandchildLetters your grandchild can open in twenty years. What to write, when to write it, and where to keep it so it actually gets delivered.
- Anticipatory grief, explainedThe grief that begins before the death. Four common phases, why the relief that comes after is not a betrayal, and what helps in the meantime.
- Writing about a loss to ALSALS takes the body and leaves the mind. Words for a service after a long, slow loss, when the person you eulogize is the one who could not speak at the end.
- Writing about a loss to heart attackA heart attack often comes without warning. Language for a service that holds the shock and the love together, and words for the family note when you have hours, not weeks.
- Writing about a pregnancy lossWords for a loss the world barely names. A short guide for parents, for friends who want to write a note, and for any service held to mark a baby who did not come home.
- Writing about a loss to cancerCancer takes a long time. Writing about it means writing about the diagnosis, the in-between, and the person who was there the whole time. Language, examples, and what to leave behind.
- Writing about a sudden lossThe night before, they were fine. Words for a service when there was no slow goodbye. Start with one true sentence and what to say in the first 48 hours.
- Writing about a loss to dementiaDementia takes a person twice. Words that hold two losses at once: the long goodbye and the death itself. For eulogies, obituaries, and the family note.
- The first Christmas after a deathOne of the hardest days of the first year. How to get through the season without pretending the chair is not empty.
- The first Father's Day without your dadThe card aisles, the brunch posts, the commercials. How to get through the first Father's Day after losing your dad without pretending it is not hard.
- The first Mother's Day without your momBrunch announcements, commercials, social media. How to get through the first Mother's Day after losing your mom on your own terms.
- Grief brain and returning to workThe cognitive fog of bereavement is real. How to handle the first three months back at work when your brain is running a background process you cannot turn off.
- What to do with their clothesThe closet is one of the hardest rooms in a grieving house. A gentle approach to sort, keep, donate, or repurpose, when you are ready or partway ready.
- What to do with your wedding ring after your spouse diesThere is no timeline. Five paths other widows and widowers have chosen, plus how to handle the question when it comes up.